No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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