I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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