I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
