i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you had me at cake vodka
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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