It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
