I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
