I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
