Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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