I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
