yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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