...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
