I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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