I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
