lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Four minutes until I can fart!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
