she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
