ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
