I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
