She's JV to your varsity
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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