Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
