Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
