dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
