If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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