It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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