She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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