my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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