At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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