Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
