i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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