my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
