My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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