Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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