It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
