everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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