i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
