You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
