I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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