Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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