Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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