I think my vagina is haunted
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
