she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
