I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
