what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
