I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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