can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
