last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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