Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the day after is always just damage control
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
