you would pick up someone in the library
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
