you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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