I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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