went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
