i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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