He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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