This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
