Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
