the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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