hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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