I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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