When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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