oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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