Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
