I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
