Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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