Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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