Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I intend to get homeless drunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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