don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
