I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think my moral compass just broke
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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