If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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