We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
