i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
