do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
