He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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