i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love you. Go after that dick
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