Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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