When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
