So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
