You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
