That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if only i could text you this smell
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
