your room smells of hookers.
And success
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have surprise drugs for everyone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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