Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
